travel notes: penang

Replete with old world charm, Georgetown (commonly referred to as “Penang proper" by many), which some also dub as the Pearl of the Orient, strikes across me as an unpolished gem whose innate beauty is better appreciated upon deeper exploration and observation. Protected by its designation as a UNESCO World Heritage Site, it is a joy uncovering the soul of the city as I traipse through the intertwining network of roads that form its central core.  

In a radical departure from our usual travelling habits, my mother and I decide to stay in a boutique hotel located in the heart of the city. Sipping a cool fizzy welcome drink offered upon arrival, I was impressed by the chic period deco complemented by artworks of local artists in the reception area and terrace. We were to enjoy hours of uninterrupted peace reading in the breezy veranda over the next few days. Our room was quaint, designed in the Anglo-Indian style, stocked with handsome thick-wood furniture and embellished with warm-coloured linen, carpets and yet more paintings. The lovely crew here takes pride in their work and their warm hospitality made us feel very much at home. Leaving the tranquil, lost-in-time vibe of our hotel premises, we head out and take a walk in town.  

Coming from a highly urbanised Southeast Asian city with few vestiges of its own straits-time history left, I feel as though I am walking in a living capsule of our ancestors’ past here in Penang; rows and rows of shop houses in which businesses ranging from coffee shops to warehouse distribution are run, trishaw riders ferrying people on the streets and hawkers selling cheap authentic street food in pushcarts, just to name a few. I start to see, in flesh, the stories my parents always tell me about their childhood days and understand, a little better, the sense of displacement the folks of the older generation feel living in my hometown.  

I ask the old lady who brought us our cendol and rojak for directions to the popular waterfront hawker centre. Soft-spoken and speaking with a distinctive upward lilt, a typical accent shared by many other Chinese in this region of the peninsula, she responds readily and starts making small talk with us about anything Penang. During my time here, I sense an earnest in the locals, a natural instinct to put you at ease and a readiness to help all the way; from the girl at the soya bean shop who, with her friends nearby, gave us helpful bus directions to the taxi driver who spontaneously turned back to drop us off right in front of our destination even though he overshot by only a block. Contrary to popular belief, the drivers are very polite by any standard. A gentle people, there is a comforting kampong air in this historic township, a feeling that even though their good-old days as a free port are over, that they will still consciously preserve their old-town past and atmosphere for many years to come.  

As the sun starts to set in this port town, the mosques make their last call of prayer for the pious Muslims to break fast as I lie in bed, snug comfortably under my plush quilt watching the London Olympics action live. My mother begins to feel peckish from the conservative feasting during the day in this foodie’s paradise and we thus head out for supper.  

In the neighbouring lebuh, a food street emerges as hawkers begin dishing out local dishes in their individual pushcarts by the roadside and hungry customers start devouring their food on makeshift tables set up in the arcades of the shop houses. As I munch on a fried snack and watch the motorcycles and cars zoom by, I cannot help but admire the resourcefulness and hardiness of the people who eke out a living in these harsh economic circumstances while still taking pride in serving simple quality fare.  

Like what my mother always loves to say, “When it’s time to come home, it’s time to come home.” As I return the keys and bring my luggage to the waiting taxi, I turn back and take in once more, the sights of the place that made my stay here nothing short of beautiful. The taxi driver shifts his gears and begins to head off to the airport. John Mayer is crooning, “Say what you need to say…” as I watch the shop houses whizz by in front of me like film frames off an old strip of photographic film. Penang, a place with a deep-rooted respect for the past, and whose inhabitants touch my heart with their kind spirit and simplicity. I know deep down that I will love to return to this little jewel of an island once again.

~ the end ~

the romance of travel

Its past midnight, my mind's zoning out and as I look through the pictures of my latest travel odyssey, the romance of travel starts to hit on me: it begins with a deep infatuation with the exploration of new lands, the nerve-wrecking anticipation accompanies it and the sweet honeymoon bliss whilst being immersed in a foreign and whole new culture follows, in which the sharpened senses are continually titillated by the riot of exotic sights and sounds from all around. All things beautiful fly past like a dream and finally, it culminates in a bittersweet parting, though sorrowful yet makes one leaving feeling more enriched in both body and soul. It is a conflicting yet addictive emotional experience one seeks to go through again and again.

the comparison complex

I have something to confess. I think I am currently suffering from a comparison complex.

I am not a doctor (yet) and I am neither a psychologist, but looking at how things are going, I bet my entire life savings that my diagnosis is correct. A rough Google search shows that such a term is pretty much non-existent, with only 3 hits consistent with what I had in mind. The rest were mostly research papers, usually in the biological sciences. Though I can no longer claim credit for coining this term (to much disappointment), I can say with much confidence (YEA! *THUMBS UP*) that it is a relatively unknown concept. Maybe I am just ignorant of a more mainstream term for it. Whatever.

As obvious as it seems, I see the comparison complex as a warped form of mental perception one person develops about his/her own condition of life relative to others. One starts off by constantly comparing his/her state of life with those of other people in either his/her social circle or strangers with great public visibility (e.g. media celebrities). The person then realises that he/she lacks something they have which they deem really important or significant and usually ends up with negative conclusions about his/her quality of life. He/she might begin to make unrealistic aspirations to achieve the same or better after that and ultimately suffer from much anguish after realising that it just cannot be accomplished given his/her own circumstances.

These people always size up their lives with those of others. They see others having many friends, parties and gatherings and feel horrid for having no "life"; they see other people owning the newest motorbike or swanky car and feel like a gross underachiever; they see the perfect figures of movie stars and the fairytale romance of the movies they act in and feel like a failure in real life. They are comparing themselves with other people all the time and their mental wellbeing takes a hit each time they subject themselves to this needless comparison game. I fall into a similar rut.

In my case, I cannot sit still and crave new experiences, hence I love traveling because it allows me to explore new places, see new sights, interact with different people, taste new food and most importantly, escape from the monotony of life back in my home country. I read loads of travel books, magazines and blogs, I watch loads of Discovery Travel & Living and I dream a lot about myself traveling everywhere. I look at my friend's portrait sketch in his house and can tell without looking at the provenance that he did it at Montmartre in Paris; I show contempt for people who defeat the purpose of traveling by spending most their time overseas shopping. I feel that I am less fortunate just because I do not get to travel as much as other people and itthat feeling of being more worse off is exacerbated by the fact that my friends have been to just about every other place on my wishlist while I have not. Just thinking about it upsets me totally, as though I've totally missed out the whole point of living.

I know that sometimes its my own inaction that is bringing me so much agony. But more often, it is unrealistic expectations of what we can do and achieve that is bringing us so much pain. After all, we humans are much more irrational than we would love to admit. We are now constantly inundated by stories of success and positive experiences in the media, everywhere actually, and while we might be inspired by them, we can't help but to compare it with our own life experiences. To us people who have grown up associating one's self worth with the amount of achievements and experiences one has had, it can certainly be a very very painful feeling. We all want to break our own barriers and reach new heights, but sometimes it is really just way beyond our reach.

By this point of time, all one needs to do is to make a conscious effort to calibrate his own reality - any illusions and delusions one had previously will break apart soon enough. Ask yourself: Is it just an impulsive want or a true need? Honestly speaking, will it really affect how I am doing as a person now? Otherwise, can I give myself more time and space to fulfill that desire instead? You might find that many of these inner desires you yourself once had are actually unnecessary and beyond your own means. You will soon gain greater control over your thoughts, your emotions and your life over time.

Recently, I lost my temper over a scrapped family holiday plan to the United States I had spent weeks and loads of effort planning. No question that I was hurt and I set up a Cold War situation in the household just to sour the whole air. Soon enough, I realised that there is simply no point in going through all this mental agony. If we can't travel far, lets learn to compromise and go somewhere closer. After all, anywhere you've not been before is somewhere worth checking out. Otherwise I'll be flying overseas soon anyway - I'll have much opportunities to travel around and see the world - by then it'll be so much more economical to tour that region too! In the meantime, why don't treasure your time here and spend it with people you care for who are right here with you in Singapore?

You might still get that sucky feeling from the envy from time to time hearing about your dad's colleague moving into that newest uptown development in the papers or hearing your bestie's incredible exploits in Incredible India. But at the very least, it beats wallowing in self-pity over something that you might never ever achieve in reality anyway yea?

weight, exercise and staying healthy

You will learn somewhere, sometime in your life that being fat is really really bad. It is most likely either one or a combination of the following ways: in school when you get humiliated by your classmates for being the "fatty pig"; in your teenage years when you starting desiring that perfect physique as your idol to join that cool clique or catch the attention of the girl you have a crush on; or when you finally become more rational and understand all the personal and social implications of being overweight.

I myself sought to get myself in shape after I started becoming fatter and flabbier since Exercise Wallaby last year. Getting myself to start controlling my food intake, food choices and begin an exercise regime was pretty painful, in fact extremely excruciating at the start. But trust me, your body is designed to adapt to external pressures and changes. You will make it out alive. And better too, trust me. I've lost 3.5kg since January. Speaks volumes. Muscles wise still lacking, but I think its just a flaw in my plans.

And it definitely beats the doctor at my clinic, who is obsessed over her weight but is taking no action to change it, hands down anytime. You are never going to lose weight by weighing yourself over the weighing scale everyday and exclaiming that you still weigh the same. Yes, even if you just took a dump the previous night. As tempting it might be, taking those pills might help, but you also understand the bad side effects it might cause. So why not just go for something more organic in nature!

I pretty much didn't give a damned about my weight before I started NS. I was already used to those primary school bastards calling me a pig, used to my own clumsy figure knocking tables in class and running last in 1.6km/2.4km and was prepared to live a life being a pudgy fart. In fact, those primary school hypocrites still made friends with me to get answers for their worksheets; I formed my own "We-failed-NAPFA-and-we-are-effing-proud-about-it" club in secondary school and hung out in the library reading Garfield during PE; and well, life went on as usual.

Motivations really matter. During NS, I started surprising people for changing so much and that some complimented me for looking so much better in shape. Also, as disturbing it may have been, my aunts began crowding over me, stroking my face, punching my arms and squeezing my tummy gushing over how much more "handsome" I've become during family gatherings, to much staring and snide laughters from my older cousins who had gained their flab after army. I swore never to gain those fats again and embrace a better self. What will your motivation be?

After a while I started to find that I was feeling bored of going through the whole routine over and over again. In fact I found myself slacking off more and more often, taking longer and more frequent breaks. Worried as I am over whether my drive was fizzling out and that my grand plan was sputtering and headed towards failure, my mind went into great thought and realised that apart from falling back on motivations to keep myself going on, I should also add variety and challenge to give my workout a clear purpose and direction in mind. For example, I began moving towards the outer lanes, increasing pace or increasing laps during my running days and started playing around with new machines during gym. It really did help in getting myself back on track.

My appetite has increased and I get really hungry really fast as my colleagues can attest to, but my weight is still dropping and I'm still pretty much in good spirits everyday. Feeling good, that's the power of exercise!

horoscopes

Sometimes I just wonder about how pervasive horoscopes are in the world today. People know that there are twelve signs, and that a person born in a certain period of time will be born under a certain sign and thus be deemed to be bestowed with certain unique qualities attributed to the sign. Just about everyone knows their sign at the very least. Just about every single major daily dishes out horoscope advice to its readers in the entertainment section. Just about every online news or entertainment website carry articles about the best colors, best days and best relationship compatibilities (or vice versa for that matter) each of the twelve horoscopes should take careful note of.

I can safely bet that most of us, in some point of our young lives for that matter, must have partaken in a certain frenzied pursuit of horoscope knowledge, either to find out why we seem to get on better with that mercurial Gemini compared to the calculative Capricorn, to discover what would lie in store for ourselves, be it the impulsive Aries or moody Cancer, or most importantly, to learn what would it take to get a date with that dream mysterious Scorpio girl or that really hot sporty Sagittarius in the next class.

This brings me to the issue of stereotyping. There are billions of people out there and thus billions of personalities out there. How accurate is it to segregate the whole world into twelve different horoscopes, each with their seemingly arbitrary date ranges (how sure are you that Virgo falls on August 23 every year, considering leap years, elliptical equinoxes blah blah blah), well-defined individual personas and personality traits and clear-cut similar fortunes? How are you to truly define what makes a true-blue fair-minded Libra or proud Leo if everybody is truly characteristically unique as we make it out to be?

Okay fine, I did find out this certain astrolabe thing online which actually gives you a whole report on your traits as influenced by the various star signs based on your time and location of birth. I saw the real thing during the Silk Road exhibition held at the ArtScience Museum and it was pretty fun to manipulate with. You can even locate the stars and planets with it. A quick search in Google Images indicates that the real stuff looks something like that  > > > > > > > > > >

So now it seems like your whole personality-fortune thing is now derived from a unique equation dependent on the location of the planets in the heavens and thus its corresponding horoscope's degree of influence on you. By implication, that might mean that you might be a spiritual Pisces due to its location in the Sun but your mind might also be brimming full of radical ideas due to Aquarius pulling some strings in the Ascendant. If so, then what's the meaning of all that systematic labeling of each horoscope and those little descriptions of your day's fortune in print if everyone's going to be much more unique that it has initially been made out to be?

Questions and frustrations aside, I still find this certain horoscope I added a couple of weeks ago really intriguing. I've dumped many other applications and mentally placed much more websites into my trash folder for they give me loads of bullshit "advice" that totally do not fit in with my life or made my eyes roll just reading the first sentence with its pretentiousness or plain lack of content. Oh and by the way, yes I still do look at horoscopes, more for the fun of it, to see what someone else actually has to say about my life and maybe just take note of some things that I agree with. We can do with a little personal daily reminder right? Your mum can't always get you totally right with her persistent naggings too either yea?

Back to my issue, it has been doling out stuff that has been quite relevant to my moods, energies, lingering thoughts and happenings of the days. Pure coincidence? Whatever, as long as I can resonate with it, I'm buying it. I can always chuck it away when it starts going cranky, can't I? At least for now and the past many many days, this app has made me think and reflect whenever my mind goes into blank mode about my past attitudes and behaviors. That is, at least, the very least positive outcome I would seek to gain from a seriously obfuscating thing like a horoscope.

So mine for today went:
"You are suffering from a fear that doesn't deserve your time. Some fear can be useful - especially when it inspires you to use caution and to think twice before taking a risk. But this fear has no root in reality. It's based in some old insecurity of yours, and you are projecting a problem in your imagination that isn't going to occur. by allowing this hear to trespass through your mind, you are actually nurturing it, and a nurtured fear is the worse kind, so give it the boot right now. There is nothing to be afraid of."

As much as I like to prove why it totally hit with me today, I think some things are best kept to myself. But still, horoscopes are still really intriguing things. After all there's a reason why its still surviving around in a supposedly rationale scientific thinking modern world today yea? And I've got to say its a darn compelling one.

about drive and dreams

"Do you have a dream?" She asked in Chinese, her native tongue.
"Dreams (梦想)? You mean as in, dreams (理想)?" I replied, tongue tied, mouth half choking from the brown rice I was stuffing myself with during my precious one-hour lunch break. I always try to finish my lunch as soon as possible so that I can read the papers - something I can never do without - a habit long ingrained in me by my parents.

For the few seconds following that, my mind went into hyperdrive, thinking of how to best answer that question I had just responded to in the most awkward manner possible. A social faux pas in short.

"Erm, yes of course..." She replied.

---------------

I have this really lovely clear idea and goal I have in mind about what I would really like to do in the future. A broad plan for the next 10, 20, even 30 years of my life.

I will be having a good time studying for the next 5 to 7 years in Scotland, learning how to take care of myself and be independent, exploring a whole new world out there with friends and housemates. That will be subjective depending on my attitude towards to workload then (though I still anticipate myself relishing the challenge, considering how I love the thrill of a good fight). I believe I'll definitely make out to be a much much better person from the overseas experience. Army had been one really unique and meaningful journey and I think this is going to be a great extension to my personal growth and development.

In the process, I may have made up my mind if I want to delve into a certain medical specialty. I will then be engaging in deeper intellectual pursuit of knowledge and expertise. Lifelong learning to keep my hyperactive mind continually engaged!

I will then be having a good time plying my skills for the greater good to people out there one-by-one, healing them and gaining satisfaction from bringing them back to good health (or at least, improving their quality of lives by any extent, considering that there are still limitations to what we can do with modern medicine). I know there will be jerks out there who will seek to add misery to your life. That's already pretty evident in the clinic I work in. But hey, its just a occupational hazard common to any line of work isn't it?

Maybe by then I will be able to gain enough experience to even get out of my comfort zone (either in the UK or back home in Singapore) and maybe do some charity work by contributing my skills then. That will be totally perfect. I will get to move around and possibly even travel overseas (something that will forever get my adrenaline pumping even just thinking and fantasising about it), ply my trade and do something meaningful at the same time! *pumps fist in the air*

Along the way, somehow, I may even want to dabble in a little bit of business (nothing medical related, its more of a side interest actually). It sorts of appeals to me as well, you know, the thrill of starting small and humble by creating a little outfit to sell your business idea, getting yourself involved in developing your product and then going out there to promote your wares and selling it to the world out there! I have a few wild ideas in mind but that'll be for later. For further design and development (in my own mind of course) and when I have more capital and also really good partners I will want to really collaborate with.

---------------

But then, all I could mutter in reply to my new colleague from China (it was already her 3rd day at work and 7th day in Singapore. Everyone else in the clinic were deep in discussion over how it was so fast. We later realised she got all the processes covered through an agent. OH YEA we locals wouldn't really know right?) was "Hmmm, yup I do!"

"So what is it?" She quizzed me further, brows already furrowed quite deeply from my lack of clarity.
"Ermmm, I want to do good with my skills I will learn, do something meaningful and be with family." I found myself mumbling incoherently in reply.
She stopped pursuing the matter and continued eating her stir-fried kailan with salted fish rice dish.

At that moment, I realised I lacked the energy to even just articulate my ideas out to someone so eager to learn about the thoughts I have in mind. Where is that external drive I will need to bring forth all these dreams I have in mind? *ALARM BELLS* That warrants great attention.

It all happened many days back, about middle last week and and a cooling-off period of reflection ensued. I sat there wondering how I hadn't even realised that I have lost much of that drive since medical school application. That crazy long-lasting rush knowing your immediate and long term goals so clearly it runs in your veins and you start seeing it everywhere you go because your mind is continually thinking about it. That almost fanatical but still cool-headed pursuit as you go about studying all options, reading up on every piece of information obtained through the thorough searching of the internet and relentless grilling of people you know in the line for any morsel of hints, experience and advice and preparation for applications and interviews. All culminating in the interview when you totally felt at the top of world knowing you have done your 101%, had a lovely conversation with the professors in the panel and walking out with no regrets at all.

I realised I started slacking off when the routine of army life started to seep in. Booking in, counting down the time for lunch, dinner, nights out and routine orders, mindlessly following commanders' orders, performing tasks as required of your vocation habitually with little mental stimulation, book out. It didn't help when I thought it will be a good time to chill, relax and let my mind rest. I ended up slacking and becoming a sloth. It doesn't help now after I have ORDed that I've allowed myself to, yet again, fall into a mindless routine of waking up for work, going home after that and then succumbing to computer addiction everyday.

In short, I lost sight of the goals I had in mind, forgot about it and lost myself.

I have had modest goals like passing driving (which I did with a close shave by clocking 18 points),  meeting up with friends from various social circles (which turned out to be such a wonderful spiritual experience on the whole - savouring new experiences feel so much better than enjoying material comforts) and losing weight (which I think I have done quite well. I've lost 2 kilograms in 2 months. I better not rest on my laurels because I still have quite a few more kilos to go before I get back in much better shape. But then, I think it lacks the kind of long long-term kind of endurance and far far-sighted planning I will need to channel my big dreams forward for the next few decades. It doesn't help when fun and play had been involved too - it would and I think has already shaken loose the 'work' thing in me that is needed to really make goals work.

It had been noted in the papers that young Singaporeans are lacking the drive needed to succeed in today's competitive environment. It certainly made me realise the dire situation I am in. These foreigners who are coming into Singapore have so much ambitions and drive in them they are certainly playing us complacent locals out of the competitive playing field just by being more willing to put in effort and produce better results. I have some dreams and goals in life I love to achieve but that will not be possible without a strong drive to push me through all this. My mind began swiveling in a really vicious vortex for the past few days, figuring out how I am going to rekindle this fire in me.

---------------

My answer came by chance when the new doctor in my clinic began giving me her old textbooks for me to read up while I had time. I started browsing through the "Clinical Examinations" textbook she gave me during the occasional lull period in work, looking through the general principles and things to look out for in real life clinical practice. I began to see again how I could translate knowledge into real life application.

From just the first few pages which emphasise the need for detailed examination of history and patient condition, I suddenly realised why doctors who take a longer time seeing each patient on average tend to be more well-liked. Patients feel more confident seeing a particular doctor because that doctor spends more time in evaluating the patient's condition and communicating with the patient - it is an investment of time and effort that will make the patient come back looking for you and just you even for just a simple flu or muscle pain. That, coupled with good mannerisms, make for good bedside manner and a good doctor. Patients will wait to see you or come down only when you are at work for their urgent medical review because they want you to be the doctor seeing them. That is the power of learning - to gain insight that goes much further than the span of knowledge you had been expected to learn from the text and learning materials you have.

It all got me heated up again. You sort of get that kick in you which feels really damn good when you regain your sense of purpose. Now I must keep that fire burning in me. I will need all the firewood - and good firewood to be exacting - to ensure it will last through my whole journey. I know I must not lose it again for I had been really lucky to have gotten the answer I needed just by being at the right place at the right time. It was an opportunity that was hard to come by and I will not screw it up again.

a morning encounter

The alarm bell rang at 6.55am sharp as it has been doing faithfully since the beginning of the year. I woke up the moment it sounded and jumped out of bed, mind fully alert, a reflex action I have developed since my army days. It usually makes this dissonant sound comprising of two notes two intervals apart, but it sounded more melodic than usual today. Time for a change in alarm ringtone, I suppose. I switched on my Macbook, a lovely creation considering how fast it starts up, played my favorite songs and returned to bed to stretch limbs made lazy during my good night's sleep before clearing myself up for the day.

I walked to the dining room and greeted my auntie - the only other person left in the household at this time of day always. I seem to get this sneaky feeling of comfort all the time, knowing that there is always someone there waiting - in this case, my dearest housekeeper for many many years in the running - to see me off and welcome me back home. I gulped down my oats, yanked my bag over my shoulder, grabbed my shoe bag and headed off for yet another monday day of work.

I always dread taking the morning train, having to jostle and compete for precious leg space in the train with other boarding commuters. Being able to board the first train upon arrival at the platform would either be due to extreme luck, excellent gestural positioning to wedge pass the crowd or pure brute force as one bashes his way through; boarding the second train would be considered fortunate; getting on the third train would be the normal expectation and blame it on your tough luck for anything more than that. My luck was pretty normal today. At least I had space to read the papers by Bishan station.

Halfway through, the crowd thinned enough for me to get leaning space along the train wall. As I was forcing my dulled mind to focus on digesting this certain article about an old guy's view on the Budget, I felt my left fingers being gripped tightly and tugged all of a sudden. For a moment, it felt as though I was being assaulted in a crowded train - like really, it seemed really violent at that instant. I lifted my head up in a panic to see what was happening and... what??

It was my friend-cum-colleague from the health screening centre downstairs! She was standing at my 10 o'clock grinning away, her petite but somewhat plump figure being partially obscured by another commuter standing in between. A cheeky lady, I can still remember those few times she played pranks on me and teased me real hard. We began chuckling away at my over-the-top reaction to the whole affair. We had a lovely conversation throughout the remaining journey afterwards, talking about work, my upcoming studies overseas and other random stuff. I also learnt that she would be leaving the company really soon to pursue other matters, including a trip back home of course. I have to say I will definitely miss her presence, for she is a really fun person to be with.

Human relationships is a really interesting thing. It is just like cooking. Like how the flavours of some cooking ingredients complement each other really well while some clash, some people click instinctively while others detest each other no matter what happens. Some dishes require a long cooking time and simmering for its flavours and textures to be brought out while others will taste superb with a simple stir-fry; likewise, some relationships take a long time to nurture while others form spontaneously. Also, it is very easy to get tired of some foodstuffs while others are able to remain popular for a long time; similarly, some relationships just fizzle out while others remain strong for a long time.

We were talking about our usual reporting times at work when we reached our destination. My friend decided to grab breakfast at her favorite haunt and so I decided to tag along for the thrill of seeking out new places. I did not want to get anything to eat so we queued up for drinks. I had been feeling under the weather these 2 weeks and so I thought a good hot tea might do good for my weak body. My friend decided to treat me despite my insistence to pay on my own. I was really touched when she insisted, saying that I was still young and dependent and that I will need to save up for the future (to clarify, she's already 30+, married and has kids already hence her explanation). Her thoughtfulness and conviction struck across me really strongly. Oh and of course, I helped her buy the drinks since its easier to converse in Chinese with the lady boss. After that, she grabbed the newspapers and shoe bag in my hand and volunteered to hold it for me so that I can carry the drinks despite my items being bulkier and heavier. I really really really admired her for her warm-heartedness and big heart.

The queue was long and we were late for work by 10 minutes. But we did not even give a heck anymore - in fact we were laughing about how we had talked about needing to report for work earlier moments ago. I knew I would be facing black faces from my boss and seniors upstairs way but then, it did not matter now. My morning was already the best it can be - the sum of those little moments that mattered. Nothing else will be able to tarnish that.

life is full of surprises

I have to remind myself time after time that I will need to start writing, I mean ranting, more coherently. My current standard of English is bad enough and I do not need to worsen it any further before it really becomes verbal diarrhoea. I think it has though. Nonetheless, I just want to say that life can be really interesting if you just follow your instinct sometimes. So much for coherence of ideas in a paragraph.

Just last Friday, I decided to take another good walk around town before Mr Policeman's birthday dinner and I had such a good time just wandering around finding new places or studying places I've seen in fleeting glimpses from pictures or during car rides in the area. It was a much needed change of pace and environment from the workplace and the me-time was really invigorating. And the dinner itself. I loved the chat about school times and our silliness then; plus it was so entertaining playing around with the mirrors in the restaurant's private dining room we cam-whored quite a fair bit. For the birthday boy of course:D

As we wandered around Central after that, our dear birthday boy decided to go and check out the mall's Valentine's Day promotion despite our relative lack of interest. But spontaneity ruled the day - I ended up meeting my fellow medics from Keat Hong along the way! It was such a surprise my brain went into overload okay! It was like this in my mind:

*Sees Weizheng at the corner of my eye*
"That is Weizheng. What is he doing here?"
*Stretches hand to tap him, sees Pengshi behind him and I halt in my footsteps*
"This is not right, what is Pengshi doing here as well??" 
*Looks right and sees the other new medic*
"OH MY GOSH this can't be happening!" 
*Looks forward to see Jim and the rest of the group walking towards me exclaiming what I'm doing here*
"WHAT THE WHAT THE WHAT IS HAPPENING?!?!?!" 
*Brain hangs for a few seconds*
Shouts "OH MY GAWD JIM WHAT ARE YOU GUYS DOING HERE!!!!!!!!"


I ended up having some drinks with them and our MO afterwards after I departed from Mr Police's birthday entourage (albeit feeling a great pity because I have to straddle between 2 groups of people:\) Nevertheless, it was time wonderfully spent despite those bouts of silence at times. It has been quite a while too anyway. How much crazier can things get!:D

Another time, I decided to oversleep because I slept late. But still, I decided to be lazy despite knowing I'll be running the risk of being late. So after the typical jump-out-of-bed-rush-through-everything-and-dash-out-of-the-door moment, I still managed to squeeze into the first train (by brute force of course, you'll never board a Singapore train at 7.50am if you are too gentle) and bump into a fellow signaler in camp the second time round in the same setting - the same MRT carriage on the way to work. What are the odds I would ask! Tak boleh tahan - just whack and chat non-stop about anything, any thing that we know about everyone else but ourselves. I remembered myself feeling quite thirsty after that><

After work too. I decided to take my time and chat with my colleagues from the Health Screening floor for a while whom I met downstairs before going home. For that, I bumped into my Sec 1/2 classmate working in ORQ at the train station! He had chatted with me briefly a few days to find out if I was indeed working nearby him and now we met! Made small talk before leaving because we take different trains. Gladys decided to bruise me with her comments of my friends all dressing better than my chinaman outfit. There's a reason why I always change out if I'm going out with friends yea?:P

Another time I gave my doctor such a great scare just standing beside her on the escalator exclaiming "WHAT YOU ARE HERE!" yesterday WAHAHAHA:DDD I just keep getting better at this! She nearly smacked me with the newspapers in her hand though hehheh:s

And just this evening, my friend from 40HQ bumped into me as I was knocking off from work. Yup, it was the other way round because he stopped me in my tracks. I felt so apologetic because he was one of those bank promoters outside the building and I had developed a reflex action of avoiding any eye contact, hastening my footsteps and avoiding any brushing and gimmicky antics made by them. He brushed me with his clipboard and I actually still ignored him until he called me by my name. By then I finally raised my head up to my absolute surprise. We chatted for a good 5 to 10 minutes I suppose!

I know and I am so sorry that I have been gushing about people I've met these past few posts but it just feels so good being able to meet people you've known in the past by chance, get those feel-good chemicals in your brain flowing as you meet and greet each other and still be able to make small talk with them despite the huge time gap.

about planning and spontaneity

Life is made up extremes. Hot and cold, wet and dry, urban and rural, rich and poor, simply superb and simply shitty. Today, I actually feel like approaching this topic from a more "dainty and floaty" angle, okay I actually mean a less measurable factor called 'premeditation/planning' and 'spontaneity'. Planning and order reins pretty high in the order of everyone's lives, from the top echelons of government to the lives of the ordinary man walking down a street but I still feel that people can make do with more spontaneity in their lives - it'll definitely make life much more fun as I'll explain later.

Making plans can be such a pain. Take my planning of family holidays for example. It never fails to amaze me why I still have the interest and passion for doing free and easy travel despite all the trauma I've suffered just to plan and execute a holiday. The first time was New Zealand - god knows how long ago that was. While it was fine spending all those hours doing research, it didn't help when your dad refused to believe your directions 90% of the time when you were the one poring over the maps for months; better still, he got so picky over the accommodation and rejected all my recommendations everyone nearly had nowhere to sleep in Auckland. Taiwan was better. I asked my family what they would want to do there so that I can fit in things to everyone's fancy. No one did - all just said nothing, asked me to plan whatever I had in mind and said that they would follow. Of course, that didn't happen - my ideas got continually shot down and it just kept getting hijacked day after day I literally gave up on them. The rain didn't help too. And that was out of the plan too.

Phew! That non-stop ranting felt so good. I had to let it off my chest. In retrospect, I thought it could have been because of my dad who played the role of the spoiler or that it could have been my plain arse luck. Whatever. But still, maybe if I had been less rigid and more flexible, I could have then made space for more spontaneity which would make the trip more special and unique.

Nonetheless, planning is still good because it ensures that you get something that needs to be done done. After having realised that my weight had ballooned a good 3 kilogrammes, I thought that it was enough and that I needed an exercise regimen to help me maintain my weight and, at best, lose some weight and get fitter. IPPT was a push factor; seeing how fat my cousins had become was the deciding factor. No way I am going to join their group, no way. Currently, I am doing exercise near my place frequently after work. It has become much of a habit and I am enjoying the whole experience. It must be the endorphins doing its job well.

But still, I propose for spontaneity to rule the day anytime. It is definitely much better because:
1) You get to see things you would normally never expect to encounter and also get to take part in events you have never thought of participating in. Hence there is a novelty factor in it that makes the whole experience fun and enjoyable.
2) You have no expectations beforehand so you can be easily pleased and surprised with whatever comes along.
3) You get the thrill of experiencing the unknown by being open-minded and it makes you more adventurous, wanting to see more and explore more. It is pure fun.

I had eaten too much during the weekends so I wanted to do some exercise before my parents brought back dinner from outside. However time was short as I overslept during my afternoon nap and my parents were on their way home. As I was mourning this lost opportunity, my very good buddy from army dropped me a message saying he was finally arrived in "ulu Ang Mo Kio" from Jurong to meet friends for dinner (like seriously, that is blasphemy! One would take a longer time to travel to town and the airport from ulu Jurong compared to AMK!!!) He wanted to meet up considering how rare a chance we would have. My gosh, I said yes on the spot, dashed down to AMK hub after dinner and had such a wonderful chat with him over ice-cream (Yes, I decided to give a hoot about exercise - that one can come another day:D) He totally couldn't believe that I could make time at such a short moment's notice and he had asked me out just to try his luck. Oh well, our spontaneous decisions made for an interesting night!

And yes, I also decided to tell off my boss for being such a nervous wreck in office. She is very approachable and helpful because she is chatty. But that is precisely why all of us feel much more stressed when she is around in office even though we have few patients compared to when we have loads and patients and she is not around - she starts barking orders around, expecting all of us to complete multiple tasks all at the same time. I was once processing a patient's case when she told me off for making another wait just to register her; the next time round she said I don't know how to prioritize when I registered the patient first before processing the doctor's orders. Yesterday I decided enough was enough and told her to cool herself down when she started pestering me to get a doctor's signature for repeated medications while I was still processing an order. She didn't speak to me for the rest of the day. At least I bought myself a few hours of peace.

She went into crazy mode again today but I decided to keep it to myself. A leopard can't change its spots - old ladies just can't stop nagging. Its a fact. Nonetheless I still felt damn good about my telling her off. Just had to let it off my chest - again yes:) My colleagues and I were basically laughing our way from yesterday til today - she was particularly allergic to me today HAHA! My spontaneous decision to tick off my boss made for a good joke and great memory in office! Hopefully I do not become more mean in future:P

AND MY PHONE MIGRATED TO GLASGOW AGAIN. This time it chose to freeze itself at -1 degree Celsius when it stated that the maximum/minimum temperature is 3 and 0 degrees respectively. So much for owning a smartphone that pretty much just blew itself. I was irritated by this deplorably horrendous phone as always but still I thought it was pretty laughable that it just trolled itself:D

An amusing surprise nonetheless. I should share much more details of how my LG phone just blows itself in many ways another time.

Oh yes and about Glasgow, I have decided, despite all my assertions above, that I am not going to leave everything to chance by researching on my accommodation options there for the next few years. That one is definitely going into the 'planning' section of my life - because I better make sure I have somewhere to sleep in a cold and rainy foreign land.

of wishes and well-wishes

I can never get tired of professing how wonderful this year's Chinese New Year has been. I can possibly attribute it to pure coincidence to rationalise my chance encounters with so many people I've known from various stages of my life these past few days. About adding to the list of people I've met this holiday, I saw my company's regular platoon sergeant on the train 2 days back and met a group of schoolmates at a bar in Somerset yesterday. I can also suggest that the reason why I am experience these kind of feelings is due to a more positive open-minded outlook I have had since the realisation that my time here is limited. After all, one tends to treasure what one has only when he has or is close to losing it.

Sometimes when I think back, I might wish that I could turn back time a little to do some things I should have done then. But then, its okay. It still made for good memories and I will just have to learn to make full use of the opportunities I have in the future.
_____

We had a farewell dinner for some of our JC classmates flying off to Australia soon yesterday evening so I decided to meet up with one of my friend working nearby so that we can go over to People's Park from Raffles Place together after that. He would knock off later so I decided to walk around town, soak in the atmosphere and views, and capture some photographs for collection and memory's sake. It felt so good just walking about, hearing the sounds of the urban city and feeling the vibe of people knocking off from work - the well-dressed white collared workers zipping around town with their bags and suitcases or the well-off executives in their sedans or even posh continental cars (including the occasional Alfa Romeo or Ferrari). After we met up, I insisted on a walk from Cross Street to our destination which I did not regret. I decided to make a detour to the Telok Ayer area and stumbled upon a treasure trove of interesting shops ranging from the old hardware shops to new trendy cafes and boutiques. It just startles me that as much as people bemoan the "fact" that Singapore is dry and boring, there are still many interesting places and sights in Singapore waiting to be discovered.

I would definitely hope to check out the area even deeper, considering how we just skimmed the surface of the area by just brisk walking through the place. With some good friends, good food, coffee and a good chat perhaps? I would love to do more exploration of Singapore - there's honestly so much more things waiting to be discovered!
_____

And, the customary family gathering of relatives from my mother's side of the family was relatively quieter this time round considering that many people were unable to make it for one reason or another. But still, I thought that it was a rather pleasant affair - having fewer people makes the event less chaotic, and it would push everyone together closer in interaction distance and time too. It brought me much amusement surprising my uncles, aunties and cousins that I have actually finished NS 2 months ago and am currently working until school starts! And you know, the recurrent themes of how fast time flies, what everyone's today, asking me to take care in the UK and the unavoidable "get a girlfriend there and bring her back to show us" continues to occupy a significant portion of the conversation here ( --.--''')

I had such a good time spending time with my very first niece and nephew (they are fraternal twins). It was so sweet to see them actually play and talk to you and call you uncle my heart sort of melted and I got into this natural high. Not that I went crazy but it was that the feel-good chemicals just started building up. Sort of reminded me about that life is forever changing, always going forward. It sort of got me thinking about how I would want my life to be 10, 20, 30 years down the road especially now that I am close to reaching the 3rd decade of my life soon. That is so many wishes and aspirations I have in mind yet unfulfilled. And I know that will take so much more grit, determination and courage to achieve.
_____

I was really surprised when I found out that my favorite auntie gave my sister and I a really really really big red packet each to wish us all the best for our future studies, especially knowing that I am flying in a few months time. As I spoke to her over the phone to thank her, she comforted me with, you know, the usual things like "its okay, its just a little gesture of well wishes for your upcoming start of university", "don't worry I can afford it". But what struck me most was her words that I must make good use of it and not squander it.

I thought she could not have just been referring to her red packet. After all, that sum, though large, would just be a small fraction of the costs I would incur to study in the UK. It was a kind and sincere wish that I would do good with the well wishes of everyone and not let them down - the packet was just a means of expressing that thought to me. After much reflection, I was certainly much reminded about how fortunate I have been to be able to have this great opportunity and that I must make the most out of it.

After all, I cannot arrive at where I am today without all your love, care and support. It is only right that I show respect to myself and others by doing well and not laying everyone's efforts to waste. I will take care and do well, I assure you:)

1+1 = just 2. 1+1+1+(many times)+1 = A LOT

Okay, the title's just to make my point for today that everything is the sum of its parts, especially all the good and lovely things that can happen in your life. It does apply to unpleasant things too, which I certainly have a fair share of this week, mostly at work. But that will not be my focus because rubbish happens and it is only mentally beneficial that you put it behind you, especially the trolls who most certainly deserve to be swept away by the broom this holiday*.

This Chinese New Year (CNY) is certainly a really crazy one because so many little surprising things have happened, making it an especially memorable one worth savouring. As I mentioned earlier, it was those little things that made it really wonderful, and it was mainly about meeting up with people you would least expect to see by chance, and realize that you two can make lovely small talk and conversation after all this long period of absence and still leave with smiles on our faces.

Friday was simply wonderful. It was class gathering day and it was a good day. The weather was excellent and around 14 people including our civics tutor (CT) graced the gathering. Everyone was in action as usual like how we've organized our previous dinners: the kitchen group, all coincidentally wearing blue in unison, had bought the food and had been preparing the steamboat dishes since the late afternoon; the rest, who would usually be those who had work or studies, arrived afterwards and offered help to set up the table. We made so much talk about how everyone had been for the past few months and were so excited to chat with our CT. The dinner table atmosphere was light but lively and I thought it was so much more boisterous and lovely compared to the previous gatherings we've had. Maybe it was the good energy and vibe, maybe it was the good weather, or maybe it was just purely good timing, better expressed as 好时辰 in Chinese. Everyone was chatting so spontaneously and laughing away so naturally everyone was in a natural high. As I observed everyones' faces on the dining table, I could tell this time round everyone was having a blast of a time just cooking, eating and talking away.

Saturday was good too. I finally went to the art exhibition by the Paris Musee D'Orsay at the National Museum, fulfilling one of things I've wanted to see for a while. There were a few big name pieces like Van Gogh's Starry Night by The Rhone and Cezanne's Card Players, but the rest of the art pieces were equally outstanding in their own right, captivating me with their emotional richness, artistic refinement and Impressionist grandeur. The power of the drawing board just never fails to astound me.

Walked to 313 after that to meet up with my parents, only to bump into my cellist friend/Chinese language classmate whom I've known for 6 years wandering around to spend some time waiting for his parents to finish shopping at Orchard Central next door. I ended up abandoning my parents for a wee bit to walk around and chat with him. Hey its been ages man! I got a +1 to my list of surprises when I saw my old primary classmate who lives a few streets away from me only in 313 too!

Tuesday was another crazy day too. Woke up late as I slept too late as always, and ended up rushing like mad to make sure I can catch the bus so that I will not be late for work. Managed to catch the bus because the bus driver was kind to wait (my gosh I was so grateful) and for that I saw another primary school classmate I've not seen for like a good 8 years already. Recognised her from Facebook (yes, the photo section) before she even stepped up the bus and she was so shocked to see me that she sort of nearly tripod and fell over the steps leading to the back of the bus when she was waving hi to me:S yup the usual "OH MY GOSH ITS YOU ITS SO LONG ALREADY" plus the traditional catching-up-with-each-other kind of interview questions as to where they stay, what they have been up to, what will they be doing in future.

Evening was a crazy outdoor dinner outing with my usual food-drink-play gang. Was in the train to Outram Park using my phone as usual when someone called my name. I raised my head up to see another my String Orchestra viola friend of 4 years seated right in front of me after Tanjong Pagar station. He was our ambulance driver in the same camp for a while too. I was so stunned I started biting my own hand to soothe myself haha so 夸张 right! Yup, the usual catching up again! It was simply too amazing. How many people have I met this CNY!

The dinner was insane too. 4 young chaps shopping in Giant and then setting up newspapers to create dishes spontaneously at the rooftop of Vivocity - absolutely a thrilling experience. Even better was that it was simply delicious and no stomach pain after that!:P I totally fell in love with YH's century egg tofu recipe. Take a look at this - its absolutely YUMMYYY!!!:)))

And I totally have to say that today's encounter, so far, is the absolute winner: this morning, the first patient who stepped into my clinic just turned out to be my violin strings junior in Hwachong! I was like "Angela? You are Angela. Hello Angela!" She was just absolutely blown away too - her face totally said it all and she couldn't say a word at the start - like of all places to meet, she being the patient and I being the service provider HAHAHA SERIOUSLY!!! She could just mutter a "*gasp* What are you doing here?!?!" It was just SO CRAZY. Like the way we met - TOTALLY EPIC really! LIKE A BOSS WAHAHAHA!!!!!:DDD We sat at the counter and chatted for a while it was just totally awesome I wished we had more time to chat with each other really!

I am truly having a blast this Chinese New Year:)

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*okay this one's a really badly-made reference to the Chinese New Year superstition that one should never sweep one's household during the holidays, especially the first day because it means sweeping away one's luck and fortune away.

today is a good day

Today is a good day. What makes a good day is really the sum of all the little things that mattered, the things that surprised you and the things that you made effort to do and do well.

In the morning, I woke to find my mobile phone weather forecast application showing the weather for Glasgow. Glasgow! I was so surprised! It was as though my phone had already fast-forwarded into the future 7 months later when I would really be flying to Glasgow for my tertiary studies. Amused, I of course, decided to share it on my Facebook. That was when I spent a lovely morning trip to work making small talk with friends I've not been in contact for a while who commented on my status.

And she liked the photo too!:D

Forever unable to leave without checking my computer once, I saw my NS MO's photo of a spitting fountain in Bali because I got tagged in it with a couple of other medics I've known in Keat Hong. They had had a crazy conversation (the same style as usual, loads of turd, curses, references to our Resident of Room 2 and anything else gossip) which made me guffaw as usual. I felt this good feeling creeping in me as my scattered memories of the crazy time in the medical centre, outfield and Australia began to surface in my somewhat dulled mind (from too much man-mode in army, too much lack of academic mind-stretching, whatever).

I was on the wrong side of the road and I managed to chase after my bus which was about the leave. The bus driver was too kind to actually wait for me as I made my final 50 metre dash to the door. Thank you uncle! Along the way in the bus, I saw my old primary school mate from my primary 3/4 class. Dressed in red, looks hardly changed, maybe thicker eye brows but still the same face shape, probably going to work. A pity he boarded the bus behind me so we couldn't meet and say hello. But still, another pleasant surprise along the way to the MRT station.

I am now totally crazy over Elva 萧亚轩's "爱不离手". Its sweet, upbeat, light-hearted and catchy, a style extremely different from her traditional pop tunes and dance/party tunes. The song, which I found by chance on Youtube, got me back to listening to Elva because I previously didn't like the direction in which her music was going. I was literally floating to work as I heard and hummed to her song, as in my footsteps were so light lah.

Saw an old man peddling tissue packs in the underground pass between AMK Hub and AMK MRT station. I walked, I mean floated (I am not a ghost, period. I am saying this upfront.) past him, stopped in my tracks and decided to buy some tissue paper from him. After all these old folks need to make a living in this increasingly expensive city yea? Hope I made his life a little better.

I was at Raffles Place when I thought of the brilliant explanation as to explain my friend's question as to why Room 2 (reference to the main topic of paragraph 4 please) wasn't sacked yet. I thought I was an a**ehole for a while, a pretty good one. I was pretty straightforward in shooting another of my friend who said he was LAUGHING over the "prying eyes", but I thought I made good damage control by thanking everyone for the crazy and rich memories. Later in the day I was surprised to see my MO doing the same. Hardly the type.

Work was crazy. My shit from the morning spilled into work. I kept teasing my colleagues to my utter amusement. Oh well, they were laughing so I thought they were enjoying it too:P Even better when I annoyed my senior colleague only to keep laughing out loud, slamming the table and stamping the floor non-stop in my feint of ignorance over how to process a laboratory request - at least my lunchtime colleague had a great laugh too:D She kept silent because I said she will be a good girl:) I'm such a bitch, maybe because I slept at 1-plus am last night:)

And I got another red packet from the elder doctor today too^^ Plus I had a lovely conversation with my favourite resident doctor too:) She's just so pleasant and approachable, leaving her consultation room just to stand around and chat with us about family, the news, weather and anything else outside the window. AND she shares with me so much stories about her experience studying overseas and advice about how to cope there! How much better can it get!

Was going home and decided to wait a while before I went to the gym and by chance I saw one my favourite String Ensemble senior going home from school too!!! OH MA GAWD! How much better can this day get? Had a lovely chat with her until the bus stop where she takes the bus home.

Gym was super too. 101% kick, starting to get into the pattern and motion. Hope I can keep the drive and hope even more that I am doing it right. Hopefully, with a proper exercise regimen I can at least prevent myself from ballooning into EPIC proportions like my cousins and everyone else. A 3kg weight gain is already too much. Now to target my diet too, especially my lunch time impulses.

and I forgot, the moon was smiling as I made my ritual 1.3km walk home!

today, is a good day.

a new year's eve epiphany

Time flies, and before I know it, Chinese New Year is round the corner again, just like how it has always been for the past 20 years. 

***

It was a very sunny but surprisingly balmy afternoon. My parents had just left for IKEA to do some last minute shopping for lanterns, my sister decided to tag along and I was at home waiting it out until it was time to set off for the reunion dinner.

Was wandering around the house figuring out to do when a notification popped up on Facebook. To my surprise, it was from my classmate in junior college. We had not been in contact since graduation/prom and she had posted a message in the class group wishing everyone well. She was one of those Chinese scholars in class, working and studying on her own at her own pace most of the time, used to keeping her feet out of class affairs but was highly active in the Chinese language co-curricular activities, especially the school's well-established Chinese drama troupe Huang-cheng.

She was one of those better looking scholars and had a rather interesting-looking eye shape I could remember. At the start I did not really like her because I felt that she was quite cold and aloof, always minding her own affairs and approaching people only when help was needed. It did not help when we were still recovering from the highs of high school orientation, still feeling upset about not being in the same class with our pals from the same OG, and then having to bond with new people again. Some might end up sticking to our familiar groups we've known from secondary school at the start of the school year for comfort's sake.

It changed when we were in the same PW group. There always comes this time in your life when you learn to put your judgements and prejudices aside and know a person better by actually interacting and speaking to the person. This was it. I soon learnt through the conversations we had that she was just like any other foreign scholar, given this rare opportunity leave their country's insane education system and study overseas, seeking to do well, succeed and thus do something their peers would never be able to do. I also saw her as a very analytical and motivated individual with her own views and opinions and I really respected her for that. I could remember her telling me off for fretting over what I should do in an upcoming interview, pointing out that the one and only important thing I have to do is to just be myself. She also pretty much respected my opinions, asking me for my takes on various things, literally various things. I can remember her asking me once to brainstorm with her a Western name that will best represent her personality (She had conditions like: cannot be too girly, preferred starting letters will be 'N', 'V' etc. which I found pretty amusing).

Oh yes, and I made it on that interview. However, that didn't matter more than the lesson I learnt from that experience, that in this crazy world, you will be okay if you stay true to yourself.

***

So yup, we made some small talk, found out everyone was well and felt very happy about that. I could sense it from the words and the spontaneity in the online exchange. It felt so good knowing that all's well despite being thousands of miles apart. It sort of fills your whole body with this renewed sense of energy and optimism in this potentially depressing world out there (the beautiful rainbow after the heavy storm yesterday is, for one, an excellent example). You just find yourself smiling from ear to ear with all that good feeling.

***

Chinese New Year carries a lot of meaning to me, and its significance gets stronger year by year. It is the time for family and friends to come together in reunion, catch up and then make a toast to the new year with well wishes and hopes in tow. I am getting older by any rate and many of my old friends are now walking down different paths into their future. Most are in university; some are still in army, the rest having found work or doing something they've been passionate about after ORD; and many others have gone overseas, some leaving soon, myself included. This diaspora hurts me considering how we have to say goodbye to each other after all those years we have spent knowing each other, being with each other and growing up with each other. Its a bond made and one you fear will be lost or forgotten through time. CNY is thus the chance for all to, at least, get in touch and know that, despite all of us having changed somewhat in the past year, all is well.

And I thought this CNY is pretty interesting. Apart from the usual family gatherings, I've got so many friends asking each other out to meet up or visit each others' houses. I'm so looking forward to everything that is going to happen! Can't wait to catch up, have fun and maybe take some photos to keep some memories!

I get daunted whenever I think about how I would be faring in Glasgow this coming September. It is going to be the first time I'm looking after myself overseas for such an extended period of time. I will be back but only temporarily, considering my studies will take 6 years to complete. This means I will essentially be plucking my roots here in Singapore and settling in the UK for a really extended period of time ie. I will have to adapt to the new city, new environment, new school, new people as well. That is one big challenge.... that I am facing bravely and will love to take on.

A few things for sure: That I will cry big time at Changi Airport, I will feel lost for the first few days like what happened in Tekong, but that I will start enjoying my time there despite the stress of studies. This Chinese New Year has just reminded me that we all might be far apart from each other, but the ties we've made with each other will not be forgotten. I will have to treasure them even more once I leave this place. And still continue making new friends and gaining new experiences of course! The world is like a gigantic pie out there for you to grab it, its just whether you want to grab it hot or watch the opportunity get taken away!

For all that is, I know deep in my heart that I will not be lonely in this big big world out there:)

today's recollections

I must say today has been a really eventful day. In my mind at least. All those crazy ups and downs! Thus I thought it might be a pretty good idea just to jot down this memory down in my own word "pensieve" before I start forgetting something again. Its insane but its all a part and parcel of life.

Today was the first time in 2 and a half weeks that a bus 138, the bus that takes a more direct route to the  actually arrived at the bus stop at the normal time I set off for work. Like WOOTS YES + hands-in-the-air-and-celebrate. VICTORY SIGN:D And the good thing is because I am now earlier, I can board the first train with less of the squeeze I would get during the crunch time.

Having nothing to do on the train, I usually either choose to stone (because there's nothing else to do), listen to my MP3 (hardly because it gets irritating on the ears) or eavesdrop on what everyone else is doing on the train (this one's interesting). There was this Indian lady speaking to her friend on about the attitude people should have in what they do. That the past doesn't matter, that all that matters is that they learn to put all unpleasant things behind, look forward and get better otherwise you'll never achieve anything. That's all that matter!

Started off work with a lovely pack of fried rice, leftovers from yesterday's dinner, from home! Work was busy as usual. Snapped a few pictures of the Marina Bay area because the reflections in the water were really pretty. Pretty much tried to be helpful, learn and revise some processes and drugs from the previous few days. And I still drive Gladys, my colleague in charge of teaching me crazy from all those mistakes I make and nonsensical questions I ask her. At least I know I'm still doing okay when I am slowly improving. Smiling 24/7 and being a joker really helps and works in any situation. I swear by this. This is anecdotal experience.

And yes my colleagues were so funny also. The both of them were talking to the doctor about the restaurant he noted from our clinic window. And when he asked if they would be interested for a treat there, the both of their eyes lighted so bright it blinded me, gazed at the doctor spellbound mouths slightly open in awe, and they started clapping unanimously. MY GOSH. They were like little starstruck kids. Their faces were epic funny. Was laughing til my stomach hurt and eyes teared.

Met my primary school friend for lunch. AND HAHA can't ever imagine him in office boy outfit (minus the tie). Was rushing towards Chevron House wondering how I could even envision his look to aid in my spotting of him (I was keeping him waiting. Who asked all those patients to come at that unearthly hour before 12 noon!). IT WAS SO WEIRD. With the folded newspaper I was holding, I could have passed off as those chaps from China who do all the saikang at the back of the kitchens in the many eateries in Raffles Place.

Never mind, we ate nasi lemak at Golden Shoe. Loved the chilli though the rice was a bit bland. The vegetables were very good, had bite and was flavoursome enough. What mattered more was that it just felt good being with old friends (an old friend in this context). Oh well, just felt good. Even when we didn't talk much and decided to just walk round the whole of the Raffles Place area one time. Yes and I thought it was pretty amusing, like what the heck were we doing?!?! ^^ Amusing I have to say.

Today was payday too. Got my payslip. Too bad I had no $100 CNY hongbao:( It didn't help when its the operations manager you know who gave you the 2 mandarin oranges, realises something, says "OH, I'm sorry you don't have the hongbao because you are on contract not like the others." when you were expecting it. For a moment, I was pretty disappointed (actually, more like freaking disappointed) especially after having seen Gladys' email about this previously. Haha, but oh well I thought I wasn't going to let this petty issue. I'm going to be okay if its not fated to be mine. In fact, I thought of giving my colleagues a little present and surprise for CNY. That would be a good way to spend my first payday too! Plus the treats I'm planning to give my other friends too. How wonderful!:)

Knock-off time got delayed the second time this week, HOW HORRIFYING. The patients took so long and we ended up closing the clinic half an hour at 6pm. We may sound spoilt but the feeling sucks. Gladys suggested I try asking Janet for OT. Good proposition. Doesn't hurt because "I'm just contract anyway":) Looks like I have to get used to this occurring much more often in future too:\ At least a little point I can seek comfort from was that I caught the train to Yishun = less crowded! Heehee

Went to run at Yio Chu Kang stadium. I freaking loved it. I felt really comfortable running and aimed to sustain 12 laps without stopping and without walking. Finished my 7th round when it started drizzling. I WAS SO DISTRAUGHT. I AM STILL UPSET OVER IT. I'm starting to like exercise, just like how my sister did. It helps even more when I have nothing else much to do after work. A good workout + a good way to spend time + keep fit + feel good. How much better can this get?:P

And I became the facebook warrior I have always been when I reached home. Pretty amusing with all the nonsense going on and all the conversations I've had with my friends online. I'm starting to get what kind of post gets the likes and comments more than other types of post. I am getting high from this too. This is becoming another form of facebook addiction: how to garner to most number of likes, comments and attention from other users using the least effort and most impactful posts. I am sick!

the birthday, the beach, the night

I attended an old friend's 21st birthday celebration at a very pretty chalet he managed to book during the weekend (the slots fill up months ahead there). He was a good friend I knew in primary school. We both played the violin, much to my surprise when I first learnt about it because he was such a punk (he still is. some things don't change). And also, we were in the same gang in class too.

Our gang did everything thinkable and anything unbelievable together. For example, we:
1. copied each others' homework like a factory process before silent reading everyday only to get suspiciously identical mistakes
2. always formed the same team to compete with the other clique in captain's ball during PE lessons. and we always cheered for our side to win as though it was the only thing that mattered
3. hanged out at the same corner of the hall during recess, arrowing a runner to buy food for the rest and bitching about just anything else at the benches.
4. even collaborated to share answers in spelling and tests to a high degree of proficiency.

Looks like primary school was much more fun than I even knew. 

All of us pretty much parted ways after PSLE and lost contact until another close friend mooted the idea of holding a class gathering after 4 years. Yes, 4 years. Wild, ambitious, crazy, whatever. We planned it, made it, had it, enjoyed it. Some people changed, others hardly. Not all were contactable or able to turn up of course. But at least, we knew most of us were doing well and had a good time at the reunion.

And yes, we invited the other half of the class too. Hey, we had become 4 years more mature too please!

By an interesting twist of fate, I met this dear old friend in camp during NS too. What a better way to see each other again 3 and a half years after that! No odd feelings, just good feelings. Yes, there's that time gap, but who cared! We were in for it together, towards ORD!

And we did.

--- 

Now, the birthday party. 

Time check: a jolly good 10 years. 

Time flies.
---

The place got a bit stuffy and I needed a breather. I decided to drag my army friend who was there too to take a walk by the beach, enjoy the sea breeze and sit down and gaze at the Singapore Straits. We strolled and made small talk as he smoked. We already knew just about what we needed to know about each other, maybe just a bit more gossip about other people and their lives, so it was mainly just silent strolling.

It didn't take too long to reach the seaside. Singapore's really that tiny, really. I'm always amazed that this tiny plot of land could actually develop and grow so fast.

For all the noise, stress and rubbish in our lives, the night was calm, the beach was peaceful, the fresh air was invigorating and most importantly, the silence was comforting.

Sat on the breakwater and gazed outwards. The feeling was indescribable. I just felt so at ease with myself. I suppose it was inner peace.

The sun was setting, the night sky had a rich hue of crimson red and the lights from the ships moored in the waters of the Singapore Straits dotted across the horizon. It seemed as though everything was at a standstill, nothing moving, nothing changing.

If not for the abominable mosquitoes that mounted a relentless all-round assault on my poor body, I would have stayed there and gazed at the beautiful sea view for hours.

---

As Apollo led his golden steeds back to the Palace of the Sun, 
the primordial deity Nyx stepped out of the shadows and began to take over the heavens,
bringing forth the night.

---

I just couldn't help but realise once again how fast time had past. Everyone around us is growing older by the day, myself included. I myself will very soon, as unwilling as I am, become 21 in less than 3 months time too. But then, I have to remind myself time after time that it is thus important to make the most of the time we have to do what our heart desires and not what others expect of us, to do what you can for others and not what others can do for you and, to just enjoy and treasure life before it is too late.

We can't escape the wrath of time, but at the very least, we can safe-keep all these precious memories, experiences and feelings we have had to savour them and share them with loved ones until the end of time.

time for a makeover long overdue!

New year. New beginnings. New experiences.

A new day, A new rush, A new encounter.

1. Suffered 4 hours through a physically grueling but mentally unstimulating TOEFL (just to get past British immigration seriously?? i was yawning all the way through because it was too tedious dealing with all the questions)
2. Chowed down a true giant of a steakburger from Carl's Junior like how Adam Richman does in Man Versus Food (and then regretting the impulse decision)
3. Experienced what it feels like to have my heart in my mouth seeing the physiotherapist teach my aunt how to move my grandma from the bed to the wheelchair and vice versa in hospital
4. Crazy shopping at Changi Airport just to get 4 angry birds from the airport Visa promotion (and still feel sad when we realised we could have gotten 5) and

FYI, we currently already have 2 red ones (and that is only those we got from the 
airport. My sister has 2 more as well, both birthday presents) at home plus 3 blue ones 
we are waiting to collect from Changi Airport because they ran out of stock. We are 
mourning over the golden window of time missed to collect our beloved pig buddies.

 

5. The final dash to Queenstown to pick my sister from piano lesson (except that she's the teacher now).

Totally busy day. Can't get any better than that.

The week was insane too, but that will be for next time.

And really, my old page looks real gross. "xtremeattitude" seriously? What the heck was i thinking. I'm not punk, i'm fat and uncool, and its a plain turn-off. In short, disgusting. The grey, the rants and the nonsense in there. That's the turd of the decade. Totally cannot tahan!

As such, change is in order.